Straighten Your Crown
Or your Tiara.
Whichever it is.
Whether you’re a Princess or a Queen,
a Prince or King,
It’s time to take a look at how straight your Crown is.
Time to reevaluate if you are in fact standing in Your Power.
And if you're not, it's time to take it the fu*K back.
If you have no inclination as to what I am speaking of…
Perhaps you’ve never lost yourself.
Perhaps you’ve never doubted yourself.
Perhaps you’ve never faltered.
Or even fu*ken fell flat.
Perhaps you've never let the weight of burden envelope you.
And good for you,
Because I think if you’ve never gone through any of that shit,
then maybe you’re an anomaly of the human race.
OR a narcissist.
Either Or, good on your ego for protecting you over and above the chaos that most of us contend with in life.
If you’ve read my previous two blog posts,
you’ll know that I’m in my ‘5AM Morning Era’.
So here I sit at 6am on a Sunday full of creativity.
Energy flowing out of the tips of my fingers with these words.
Why 6am not 5am you ask?
Because my day starts with Greens & Yoga.
Everyday.
For over 30 days now.
So it’s more than a habit.
It’s now a way of life.
A commitment.
A straightening of my Crown.
Well, as you saw in the blog post pic, it’s actually a Tiara.
So I'll use the words Crown and Tiara interchangeably here.
This Tiara was gifted to me by a beautiful friend on my birthday,
almost a decade ago.
It has consistently sat on a shelf in a room since that time.
What isn't consistent is the shifting and morphing of the room over the years.
My Meditation & Yoga room.
My Shamballa Energy Healing Room.
My Writing Room.
No matter the shift of use or decor, it's always My Space.
Over the Christmas Holidays it caught my eye on the shelf.
I smiled at the memory of our conversation on that day
and many of our others.
Which then led my thoughts to my upcoming birthday in March.
Am I where I want to be at Fifty?
Fifty!?
Wait! Slow down!
Am I who I want to be?
Am I who I need to be?
Where did I lose myself?
Oh wait, I know.
Taking a breath, I acknowledge the things that I cannot change.
One being the past.
Another is that I can’t slow down this race car of life that I am buckled into.
But I can tune up the engine.
Refine it.
I can change the sound that comes in through the speakers.
I can even ‘mute’ it off, if I damn well please.
I can’t change the scenery out the windows,
But I can unapologetically avoid heading in that direction.
I can make a right hand turn.
Or even a left.
I can bust out a full U-ie.
I have complete control to chose what and who I allow in the vehicle.
Seeing the slightest glint of light reflect off the Tiara shifted something inside of me.
It made me question everything about myself.
What the fu*k am I doing?
This is Not who I am.
This is Not who I was.
Why am I carrying the baggage of others burden?
Why am I doing a half ass job of taking care of myself?
How can I give fully to everyone else when I can’t even give fully to myself?
And as I was on this winding road in my mind,
I realize that my every thought ends with family.
My husband. My adult children.
Even as adults they will always be My children and mean everything to me.
They are the best things that I have ever done in this life.
And I want them to have a mom that they not only love & adore,
But one who they are fiercely proud of.
And with that,
it was as if I smashed a rock on the ground in my mind.
And when it cracked open,
it exposed the beauty of amethyst crystal.
Bright, shiny and beautiful.
I want to see all the amethyst of who I used to be,
but amplified with a better shinier version on the inside,
minus the dull stone coloured parts on the outside.
I’ve been carrying the weight of hurt and pain.
Emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically for years.
And as years passed by,
the metaphorical & physical weight just packed on.
I won’t go into the story,
Or rather Stories of how I ended up
Feeling the way I did,
Looking the way I did…
I’m trying brutally hard to drop ALL the baggage.
Emotionally, Mentally, Spiritually, Physically.
Hence my ‘5AM Morning Era’.
And fu*k, I haven’t even mentioned the bullsh*t of menopause.
THAT beast is a blog post in and of itself.
Or perhaps even worthy of an entire series of posts.
So although it’s great insight to know all of the reasons that you are where you are,
It’s work to get back to yourself.
But this straightening of my Tiara, this internal reset, it’s coming with ease.
I welcome 5AM.
Often before my alarm.
I enjoy the solitude.
I cherish the time for reflection.
I crave the Greens being the first thing to hit my stomach in the morning.
I relish in my hour of yoga,
So much so that I may end my day in the same way.
I value Meditation.
I could never write enough words about the Power of Meditation.
I don’t miss out on dairy when I supplement my Protein Shakes with Oat or Soy milk.
I don’t miss cheese.
I don’t miss red meat.
I don’t miss frozen food. ;) Sorry, not sorry Chef Mark ;)
I don’t miss bread.
I don’t miss processed food or meats.
I don’t miss the oh so popular fan fav combination of the above,
the beloved Charcuterie.
And shockingly enough, I don’t miss wine.
Maybe that’s why I don’t miss the salty, fatty foods?
And it’s not to say I won’t ingest those things ever,
Because I won’t put those strict restrictions on myself.
I have also learned the my body needs rest, so I have learned to respect that.
I have changed the ‘Bedtime Alert’ on my Apple Watch from Midnight to 9:30pm.
And when I charge my watch for the night, I also charge my phone ~ out of reach.
I embrace and give gratitude to Mother Earth and all of her natural supplements.
These wonderful blends that assist women my age to get through this ridiculous, unfair battle time in our lives.
AN inner battle that no one truly fu*ken prepares you for.
You think you know what’s coming, but you don’t fu*ken know, not really.
It also brings about a filter-less vocabulary as evidenced by some of my words in this blog post,
but I’m okay with that because my throat Chakra has needed clearing for decades.
Five decades to be precise.
So I openly receive these remedies from the earth that were once thought to be potions concocted by Witches.
Now concocted by many scientists, nutritionists and naturopaths.
Whatever your current day title may be,
Bring it on Witches,
I am grateful for you.
After about three weeks into this internal shift,
when habits are apparently formed and concrete,
as my Crown straightening was solidly becoming my way of life,
my husband asked me a question.
He asked if I was missing wine, cheese, things I once enjoyed.
I honestly answered “No I don’t, not at all for some reason. It’s like something just switched on in my brain and said enough is enough!”
His response was one I’ll cherish.
Which may sound silly but if you have a partner like mine you’ll understand.
There are times that you can’t wait to forget what they just said! (Insert giggle emoji here!)
What he said was this:
“I’m not surprised, you’ve always accomplished everything you’ve ever set your mind to”.
He said it so nonchalant, just simply tossed it over his shoulder, not wanting anything in return.
He said it as fact, not flattery.
And internally it helped me stand a little TALLer.
It shifted my Crown a little straighter, made it a gleam a little shinier.
At the end of the day,
I want my children to see a woman who STANDS in Her Power.
Although I know they haven’t always seen me stand that ground,
I want them to see that I am recapturing it now.
I want my children to see a woman of strength.
I want to be a woman whose Crown they will gladly take a piece of to meld into a Crown of their own.
And when they put it on, I want them to walk TALL, Confident and Proud.
I never want them to take it off.
I want them to consistently buff it, shine it and keep it balanced.
I want them to always remember to stand in Their Power.
And I hope,
I truly hope that there is a piece inside of them that wants to be just like the good parts of their mom.
Because they already are the best parts of her.
So today, on this early Sunday morning I leave you with this…
I hope you All remember to Straighten your Crown and always Stand in Your Power.
jj
xo
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