My week of Self Care is coming to an end.
Intersession Week, Spring Break, Reading Week was my free week to care for me.
No classes. No shifts to work.
Just time to care, for me.
Time to give Me what I need.
And I did that.
Dinner with friends.
A massage.
Game Night.
A facial.
Some shopping.
Four hours in the Hair Salon.
Long walks.
Dinner with another friend.
And it was all fabulous.
But you know what I realized....
Something I already knew deep inside,
I live to care for my family.
I love to cook for them.
And organize things for them.
And figure things out for them.
And shop for them.
And play board games with them.
And go for walks with them.
And watch movies with them.
And great TV shows.
And have great conversations.
And laugh together.
And with our son living across the country, and not being able to do the things for him that I did for over two decades.... is hard! Really hard. That IS part of my Self Care. I just never really realized it until I couldn't do it on the daily anymore.
And I'm blessed, I know that, he's well & healthy & happy & living his dream, following his path with someone he loves... in a beautiful place in this country, but it doesn't mean that I miss him any less.
You can be happy for someone & proud of them & miss them all at the same time.
And as we all get older, and the days fly by, it doesn't mean that his absence isn't palpable in our home.
By all of Us.
I truly never realized how much of my life has been solely focused on caring for everyone else. I'm sure I'm over compensating his absence by over-caring for my husband & daughter & our dog, and I probably drive them cRaZy... but what's a mom to do?!
I mean, I thought the "terrible two's" were supposed to be a challenge... but they weren't.
THIS is the challenge. Letting them grow is a challenge. Letting Go of the little day to day things that we do for them is the challenge. Adapting to a new love language is the challenge.
And in this moment, Trying to visualize the screen through these tears is the challenge.
So to you momma's who are exhausted by the demands of your needy, clingy children and dream of having just a moment alone!...
don't wish too hard,
because it really does go by too quickly.
They'll be grown before you know it, and you'll find yourself wishing for the times when they raised their arms for you to pick them up.
All my heart,
jj
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